When I first began my professional career, I just wanted the notoriety. The big name in lights and the metaphorical standing on top of the podium because I was the best. But this goal wasn’t because I wanted to be “better” than other people, it was just to know that I was truly the best at something, anything. But I’ve begun to reflect on why I wanted this, what drives me to this day, and whether or not I still desire to be the best.
I’m not the best at anything. In fact, I’ve always told people that I am a B+ level at most things. It’s passable, and even pretty high performing. But nothing makes it truly exceptional. But I always had this feeling, deep down, that I was exceptional. Everything that I would try I would harness this belief that it was the thing that I could be exceptional at. Golf, triathlon, business, climbing, filmmaking, anything that I have committed my time and effort to over the years. I would commit years to this, and arguably those 10,000 hours. But at the end of that time, I would still be a B+. At a certain point, it honestly became frustrating. I felt like I didn’t really have a place where I could really reach my potential, where I could thrive. I was envious of those athletes and entrepreneurs that were absolutely crushing it, hoping that I could be the person one day that could just focus on their one thing, without distraction, and perform at the highest level.
But if I was always striving to be the best at something, what was the actual goal? And there is the answer as to why I never achieved what I believed I was capable of. The goal was simply, wrong. It had the best intentions because it was about thriving, finding greatness in myself, and allowing that to help other people. But greatness is not the reason to pursue something. The reason to pursue something is to achieve an outcome that helps us achieve a deeper understanding of our purpose. I made a step a few years back where I realized, after years of practice, that I was not the best filmmaker and not exceptional. I was, and still am great at it. But part of understanding my strengths and weaknesses is also understanding my limitations. And one of my limitations is that my interests have always been wildly diverse. They have trended more towards film and creativity but it has never been the sole focus. It took a bit of a recalibration, a lot of reflection, and actually contemplating giving it all up until I realized what I was exceptional at. My entire life, I have been exceptional with people and their stories. More specifically, connecting with those stories and inspiring others through sharing them.
Filmmaking was always a great outlet and it still lends itself quite well to my purpose. But it doesn’t fully encompass it and that is why it never felt like it was the only thing I could do. Triathlon was great because of the stories of the people I met. The stories of overcoming adversity in the mind and pushing the body was what kept me racing for so long. The stories of the startup founders I would meet while I carried the camera, many of those people I am still close with today. So rather than focusing on the filmmaking, or the tangible thing, I had to learn to focus on what I was truly good at, and always keep that as the compass heading.
This is, of course, easier said than done. In the beginning, I didn’t know how to separate what was from what was going to be. I wanted to almost close one chapter and open another but nothing in life is that simple. It is an ever moving, fluid, process. It may be why I always feel at home when I am next to the ocean or in it. There is just this acceptance of the fluidity, the uncertainty. It is about making constant adjustments and making sure the end goal always remains at the forefront of thought.
It got easier as time passed. I began to evaluate everything through this lens and how I could make those adjustments to every part of my life that needed an adjustment. Some needed larger adjustments than others but it is also where patience came into the picture. Nothing is a switch and this wasn’t going to be either. But one of the most valuable lessons that I have learned is the gratitude for the process. The process is what leads to the transformation, not the achievement of the goal. Today was a big day for me. My show, something that I have been working on for years, is finally public. I might even get to see it soon as I travel. It is that moment that I always dreamt of. It is the moment where my work is seen on a platform viewed by millions. In some ways, it is the top of the podium. But to me, especially now, it doesn’t feel like that. It feels like a moment of reflection and gratitude for all of the things that I did to get to this moment. It is a moment of seeing all the moments of hardship and the people who helped me when they absolutely didn’t have to. If you are reading this and you have been a part of my path in any way, thank you. You have taught me more than I can express. From the small conversation about seemingly nothing to the opening of doors I never thought I could walk through, everything is reflected in my work. And that is when I realized that the compass heading has always been there, I just never paid attention to it.
Who knows if I will ever be the best at something. I sure as hell don’t know. Because it doesn’t matter. What matters is that I am the best version of myself, everyday. That I don’t waste a single moment on things that don’t ultimately lead me down the path of inspiring others with stories of incredible people. It may be through film or it may be through words, spoken or written. One thing is for certain, it will always be authentically human. If we haven’t had the chance to share a moment, a meal, or a conversation, let’s do it. If we have, maybe it has been awhile and it’s time for another story or two.
I used to think that my focus had to solely be on one thing, a company rather than multiple, a sport rather than many. That is not the case. When it is through the lens of people, learning, experiences, and growth, the focus will constantly shift, but in the best way possible. I’m still running my company every day, and I am still working on my creativity every day. But I’ve also been working on a few things in the background that I am really excited to share soon. One of them is something I have wanted to do for a long time, and the other is something that I have been afraid to do forever. Both will take years and I finally have the right perspective to take them on. It is about the process to achieving my best, not the end result.