Whenever we see somebody at the top of their field, or standing on top of a podium, we only see that one person. But what we don’t see are all the people that helped them along the way, all of the support, the sacrifices, and the little moments that all added up to that one moment of being on top. Regardless of becoming the best at something, we all didn’t make it where we are today if it wasn’t for some help and support along the way. For me, I have been so lucky to have some truly incredible people around me that I could learn from. Some of those people I also asked for help. And without them, I would not be where I am today. For those of you that know who you are, thank you.
I used to think that I could do everything on my own. In most cases, I actually would. I would be the one in class that would take the bulk of a group project because I wanted to see if I could do it from beginning to end. It was almost as a personal challenge. But one of the biggest things that I learned when I was younger, trying to do group projects on my own, that maybe there was another way of doing things that is better. Maybe the problem I am running into, somebody else had run into once before. When I figured that out, it was almost as if a lightbulb went off. If we could share what we were all best at, the best project could be completed by the end. This is mostly the case when you hear some of the biggest success stories of almost any endeavor. It is a gathering of the brightest minds to achieve a goal.
When I began my career, it was a huge challenge to wrap my head around. It wasn’t so much that I wasn’t ready to work hard or that I didn’t have talent, it was that I had zero understanding of the rules of the game. They weren’t the rules that were taught in the business books at a university. I realized really quickly that I was in over my head and that I actually needed help to figure all of this out. I’ll never forget when my first mentor in business entered my life. He was a friend of my mom’s, they went to high school together. They ran into each other at the store and had the catch up on the kids conversation and next thing I knew, I was meeting him for coffee. It was this small coffee shop in my town and we shared a small table for two. He asked me what I wanted to do in my career. I told him that I really enjoyed making videos and that I wanted to create films that would change the world. But then I continued and talked about all the jobs that I was applying for that actually were the opposite of making videos. They were the careers that I thought were exciting such as finance and recruiting (more specifically a head hunter). After I finished, he said “You don’t want to do any of that. You want to make videos, I watched your face light up as you talked about it.” I quickly responded by saying that I had no idea how to make a business out of it. He smiled and said, “Don’t worry about that. Just show up on Monday, you can rent a small office in the building, and we’ll take it from there.” I still talk to him every few weeks. Even though I would say we are more friends now than anything else, he is and always will be the person that I trust the most when it comes to giving me the most honest advice while still encouraging me to trust my gut.
That is probably one of the most important things when finding the people to surround yourself with. You want them to be honest above everything else. It is not always fun to hear that an idea isn’t good, that what you thought was completely wrong. But I would take that anyway over somebody telling me that I am doing everything correctly and I am, in fact, not. This guidance is incredibly important in almost any area of life and they usually aren’t the same people. I have many people in my life that have wildly diverse backgrounds and interests. The beauty in that is the diversity of opinion to form an unbiased opinion. This also applies to the professional life and the personal life. Sometimes, those mentors can overlap and that is totally ok. The ultimate goal is to find people that you deeply respect for one reason or another. But what if you don’t have any mentors? Where do you start?
The short answer, just ask. When most people think of a mentor, they think that it has to be somebody who is at the top of the area in life where you are seeking mentorship. Sure, it totally is worth a shot and it might actually work out. However, most of the mentors in our life are either already a part of our life or just a few conversations away. I felt pretty uncomfortable asking somebody to mentor me. I didn’t want to be an inconvenience and I also had the fear of rejection. I didn’t believe that anybody would want to take time out of their day to talk with me, teach me, and help to guide me. But it’s a myth. Now, I have a few people who have asked me to mentor them a bit. It was an easy yes because it truly is a great feeling, as a mentor, to guide somebody. I never know what somebody can learn from my experience but I certainly try my best to be honest about my mistakes that I have made, the times when I found something that worked, and to give my honest thoughts because I care about their success.
Recently, I asked somebody to mentor me. They have a career similar to mine but have done it much longer. They have also had almost identical experiences to me at an earlier point in life. Thankfully, they obliged and I am grateful for every conversation that we get to have. The added benefit is that we have also become friends as a result and I am not sure that it would have happened otherwise. My growth as a professional and my perspective shift personally has been profound and none of this would have happened unless I had the courage to ask. But the most important part of all of this is to learn to cultivate the feedback, lessons, and stories and apply them to life.
Not all advice is correct, nor can you expect it to be. The best kind of advice, in my opinion, is a story because it can either be related to or understood easier because it isn’t just a blueprint. Blueprints don’t really work because really difficult decisions usually have components that are highly individualistic. So it is more about cultivating the advice and committing it to memory as a reference. I sometimes will ask myself the question, “What would (insert mentor) do?” It’s not to do it the same, but to evaluate any lessons that could be applied and make a decision for myself. All I know is that I would not be here if it wasn’t for truly generous people who have also believed in me. I could not do all this without their guidance. If you are reading this and you feel my experience is similar to yours, or you are looking for a mentor like me, just ask.