It’s that moment when everything feels incredibly still. It’s the moment when there is a harmony between the inside of the mind and the outside world. It’s the moment when I feel the most at peace. It’s the moment that I wish could last forever. But it never does. It is the moment of calm.
If I tell you to just be calm, it will usually have the opposite effect. It is this interesting thing that we can’t will into existence, but must be present for the time that it comes. Calm has always been something that has been very unattainable in my life. I weirdly have become accustomed to a certain level of chaos in my everyday life that it seems out of the ordinary to have a moment of calm. It feels like something else is going to go wrong. But the reality is that it doesn’t have to. Life can be about the acceptance of the path towards calm, including the challenging times along the way. I’ve been reflecting a lot lately about what the meaning of life, as a human, actually is. I believe that a true state of calm is what we are all pursuing in one way or another. It is defined in many religions as enlightenment or a state of peace. Whatever you want to call it, it is the acknowledgment of the stillness of the body and the mind. But if calm can’t be an ongoing emotion, how can it occur more often? I believe that there are a few steps involve that can help us reach a more consistent state of calm. Each step relies on the next, and skipping to the end just plain doesn’t work.
Curiosity is the first step. This is meant to be incredibly broad, yet to provide a framework for how to experience the world. Curiosity is the willingness to ask why something is the way that it is. Curiosity is about discovery. There is a certain level of excitement in that process that awakens the entire body and mind to a mystery that must be solved. Some call it the itch in the back of the head that just has to be scratched. These curiosities can be simply looking at the world on a walk, it can be the observations from the window of an airplane, or it can be solely in our own minds. But each one of these things, big and small, are meaningful because it is giving ourselves a sense of purpose, something that I believe we, as humans, need in order to progress and find fulfillment. The next time you are on a walk, simply look at the small things around you, the things you wouldn’t normally take notice of, and wonder how it came to be. This leads to the next step in the pursuit of calm — depth.
Depth is something that isn’t focused on enough. We are all taught about iceberg and that a small percentage of the iceberg is above water and the rest is below. But what does that actually mean for us and how can we relate that to our own lives. You have the arguments that say we should be an inch wide and a mile deep as well as a mile wide and an inch deep. Depth is always touted as the superior route versus being a mile wide. But it often leaves many things unexplored. This is why curiosity comes before depth. It is incredibly important to go a mile wide. In fact, it might be the most important thing one can do in life. Not just once, but many times throughout life. Especially in the early years of life, that breadth of curiosity allows us to explore the things that we want to pursue, the things that we care about, and to find our purpose. We then, after that exploration, go deep. That is why I believe we should go a mile wide AND a mile deep. Just choose the spot to go deep once you figure it out. That depth is very unexplored. It will come with challenges, difficulties, wins, losses, and a lot of uncertainty. This is, in its most basic form, life. Often, we shy away from this feeling of depth because when we go too deep, it can feel impossible to go backwards. But once you have pushed the boundaries of what you thought was possible, you can’t go back anyway. So don’t be afraid to go deep, because through the depth comes understanding. Through the depth comes perspective.
Perspective is the third step and one that is probably the first time where a glimpse of calm begins to appear. It can sometimes work hand in hand with depth, but often comes only after big challenges are overcome. Perspective is a powerful force that is considered to be the “aha” moment. It is the moment when you see the world completely differently from when you set out on the path. Perspective comes when you are able to take the time to reflect on the depth of the curiosity and begin to connect the dots. That is when things begin to get really interesting because there is a moment of realization that all things, oddly, are quite connected and the problems that are faced become much more simple, or clear. This perspective empowers us to shift from more of a curious mindset, although that should always be preserved, to an action-based mindset. It is the moment where everything seems to begin to fall into place. It isn’t by accident, but it usually isn’t something that you can see coming. Naturally, as a result, there is a sense of joy.
Joy in this context is not simply the jumping around, euphoric feeling that it is equated with. While it might happen from time to time, joy can more closely be related to a sense of gratitude and a sense of presence. It’s that feeling that we are exactly where we are supposed to be and in the state of flow. From the outside, this can easily be recognized by seeing those that are on a roll and just seem to be crushing it in life. This joy that is experienced is also fuel for more momentum. It almost seems like this self-fulfilling cycle of joy and things just keep getting better and better and better. But this didn’t happen in a vacuum. It happened as a result of all of the previous steps, the perspective that was gained, the clarity around the path forward, and the gratitude of every moment. Joy, in the internal sense, is a full body experience that, when we feel it, is what most would consider the end goal. But let’s take an example of an athlete who just won a championship or accomplished the goal that they set out to do. There is the joy, the elation, the peak. But when they get home, away from all of the noise, there is another emotion that takes center stage. Joy is still present, but something magical happens to the body when the dust settles. It is suddenly, calm.
That moment of calm, I think, is what fulfillment is for a person. It’s the moment when a small smile cracks, or a tear, when reflecting on every step that got you to that moment. It’s not for anybody to see, it won’t be talked about, it will be just a moment to hold dear, forever. The calm comes through being curious about something, finding out where the boundary is, shifting the perspective around it, experiencing joy in the process, and realizing that it all led up to just that one, precious moment. If you have experienced this moment, as many do in some way, shape or form, I think you will agree that it is worth it. You can’t really explain why and in some instances, you wouldn’t necessarily go through it again. But you wouldn’t take back a moment of it along the way. This calm, this moment, this feeling, this is life. Life is calm.
This calm doesn’t last forever, and it really shouldn’t. The exciting part about life is that it is mostly cyclical. When we look at nature, this cycle remains consistent throughout the seasons, species, plants, and all life for that matter. When the moment of calm is reached, take it in. Remember it, cherish it, but remember that life is impermanent. The cycle will begin yet again. To be curious, to go deep, to gain perspective, to find joy, to experience calm. Whatever step you are on at the moment, recognize it and be mindful of the process. There is an interconnected nature to all of these steps in the pursuit of calm. There is joy in the curiosity and there is calm in the depth. But one will always take the lead and the recognition and appreciation of the process is the most important. As I pursue calm, I am currently in the stage of curiosity, exploring a mile wide of what I am looking to pursue in order to find my own personal fulfillment. And I’m excited about it.