How To Deal With Large Amounts of Stress.

I think I am stressed probably about 98% of the time. Sometimes it is much higher stress, other times a bit lower. But very, VERY rarely do I feel like the stress is ever released. I think one of the weirdest parts is that I feel that I have almost accepted it at this point as being normal. But as I sit here I have to question, is it? I spend a lot of my time hoping that the stress would go away and then, in that small 2% of the time, I’m almost getting ready for another round of stress. Seems a bit self-fulfilling to me, or maybe that we are almost programmed as a society to be in a constant state of stress. Either way, I know I’m not alone and I think it is something to be discussed. Stress can be a powerful motivator, and even one of the greatest catalysts. But it can also be one of the most destructive things for our own progress.

Stress comes out in many forms, often in ways that we don’t even realize. If you are reading this with your jaw slightly clenched, subconsciously, there ya go. It can be as simple as sitting in traffic on the way home and just wishing it could go a little bit faster. It can also be the feeling that you get when feeling uncertain about the outcome of something that you care deeply about. At the end of the day, running from your stress won’t actually fix anything. It is more about how to deal with the stress, recognize when stress is valuable to your growth or detrimental, and equipping yourself with the habits that can help minimize the bad type of stress (you won’t be able to eliminate it).

Stress is something that is innate to us. If you think about our history as a species, we had to be on high alert most of the time. It was either because we were hunting other animals, stressed about our next meal, or we were the hunted. As we have developed, our exposure to that type of stress has largely been removed. I’m not saying that we should go back to that kind of stress consistently, but I also think that a healthy amount of stress greatly contributes to our understanding of the world around us and makes room for more empathy in our everyday lives. It took me quite a while to reframe stress this way.

I have always viewed stress as bad. It’s this feeling that would take over my whole body, almost paralyze it. My mind would start going in circles, just wanting to solve the problem so that the stress could be alleviated. But that just led to panic attacks. And this was the first realization that I had to come to — be kind to the stress. Stress is merely an emotion, much like happiness, sadness, love, pain, and joy. But when we approach stress with kindness, an understanding of the difficulty of what lies ahead, there is a moment of clarity that emerges. It is accepting the stress for what it is and trying to work through the problem while working with the stress, not against it. When I first began my career, I would be juggling multiple projects at once, deliverables that all needed to be done around the same time, and not knowing even where to start. This was stress in its most classic form for most of my life. Managing time with goals. I used to lock myself in my tiny office, lay on an exercise ball, and throw a tennis ball at the ceiling to see if I could hit the same spot twice. Some call it procrastinating, I called it stress. I would think about what I needed to accomplish, when I needed to accomplish them, what needed to take priority, and then I would slowly work through the problem, choosing the path that somehow made my body feel calmer than it did with an alternative. That was me always choosing the low stress solution.

This was a situation when I would have a choice about how to proceed. But what if you don’t have a choice? What if you are just thrown into a stressful situation that you aren’t prepared for? First move, pause. Take a moment to think about why the stress exists, where it is coming from, and where it is happening in your body. This is where I had one of the most useful tools added to my toolbox — breath work. Breath work is not just something that is a standard in my life, but it is essential when it comes to managing stress. When I was a kid, I used to get really upset when things weren’t either going to plan. I was also a massive fan of Top Gun. I remember my mom pulled me aside one day when I was on the verge of a meltdown at the age of 6. And she told me to visualize that moment when Maverick goes into a flat spin at the end of the movie, how he stepped back for a moment, took control, and was able to pull out of the spin and everything turned around. I didn’t realize how valuable this piece of advice would be for the rest of my life. It seems silly but even to this day, I visualize that moment when things feel absolutely out of control and it makes a world of difference.

But probably the biggest thing that has helped me in battling stress is having an outlet to relieve the stress. It often seems like the only way to move forward is to continue to go at the problem even harder. I always thought that if I could be strong enough to overpower the stress, it would just go away. That didn’t work too well. The other approach I tried after that is to run away from the stress and go the opposite direction. If I ignored it, it would just go away. That also didn’t work. I realized that there was a balance that I needed to strike with stress where I was able to get a break from it and then take it on. Every time I did this, I had a much more calm demeanor to the stress and was able to solve the problem with greater ease. So when I need to relieve stress, I exercise. Fitness has been the thing that has balanced me out and also energized me. Of course, there is evidence that suggests it does release endorphins and relieve stress. But for me, it is mostly because I can focus my brain on something else. When I am exercising, whether that be laps in the pool, lifting at the gym, sailing, or yoga, there is anything else to focus on in that moment. While I definitely recommend exercise, not everybody loves it. But even if you go on a walk, spend some time in nature, craft something, lay down and listen to music, do something that allows you to sidestep the stress because you will be able to take it on with fresh eyes and it won’t seem so daunting.

The last thing that I would say is to know that stress also can be the motivator. Some of the hardest times in my life have been the stressful ones. And yes, in those moments they are HORRIBLE. But when I came out the other side of the stressful event, I realized I had better tools in my toolbox to handle it, and I became stronger as a person. The other benefit is that I found creative ways to solve problems that I don’t think would have happened without stress. When the easy options are exhausted, in anything that we do, we have to get creative. And that is actually where the breakthroughs can happen. So take on stress with a bit of a positive mindset, finding the balance between the good and the bad, pay attention to how your body reacts to stress, and realize that you can take it on and it is merely an emotion.